Well, Crap.

If you have an issue with reading about anything gross, then turn around now because this is pretty icky... but this just shows what a day with a toddler can be like when things get completely out of hand.  If poo doesn't bother you, then stick around because this made my husband and my sister hysterical.

Earlier, I had a really upset stomach so I had to spend some quality time on the toilet.  Those of us with small children know that there is no such thing as privacy and that pooping alone is a luxury.  So there's my kid, playing and not letting me use the bathroom in peace and he decided to play with the doorknob.  He managed to lock it and then get himself locked out of the bathroom.  He stood there pounding at the door for a short time and was upset that I couldn't get up to let him in.  "That will teach him to mess with the lock, right?"  NO.  Suddenly I heard the front door open.  My husband didn't deadbolt the door on his way out to work.  Alister has recently discovered the front yard but we aren't letting him go out unattended yet because there is no fence and he could very easily run into the street (he tried once when I had my back turned for a minute to water a plant).
Anyway, I hear him open the front door and suddenly I'm forced to run after him, pants around my ankles and all.  I was not yet ready to pull up my pants.  There he was, running toward the street (in the nude) while I chased after him...  not quite done with my business.

I dragged him back inside, took a long shower and then burned my clothes.

The end.

Out Of The Mouths Of Babes

My 3 year old has been throwing the f-bomb around lately.  We recently went to our favorite coffee shop where he sat down at one of the tables, looked at a couple at another table and said, "What the f@&k?"  I cringed but didn't say anything.  I am trying not to react if he says any bad words because I know he doesn't understand what they mean and I'm afraid if I draw attention to it, he will continue saying them over and over just to get a reaction.  He also has learned to say "son of a bitch" when someone loses at a video game.  He learned that one from his dad but pretty sure the f-bomb was from me.  It's really hard to stop swearing.

Also, I learned that there are things I say that he can take completely out of context so it is downright weird when he says them.  I had to tell my husband to pick up my birth control pills before he went to work the other day.  When he returned with the pills, Alister grabbed the newspaper and put it in his "lunchbox" (it doubles as a purse depending on his mood) and said "ok, I've got my birth control and my newspaper.  I'm going to work now."

At least he was prepared for his day.

Fear of Commitment. Also, Why Am I Here?

I have made several failed blogging attempts in the past and have yet to stay inspired to grab one by the balls and just go with it.  I can never decide what I can write about that really interests other people so this one is written out of shameless self-indulgence.  You may not find me interesting but I am SO AMUSING!!!  My therapist thinks so anyway.

I have a three year old son and I stay home with him... all the live-long day.  I hope that writing will become a good escape from Mom Time because my vodka habit is becoming rather expensive....  I'm just kidding, I prefer gin and tonics.

My weekly child-free outing is to my dance class.  I've been taking Rock and Roll Cabaret for nearly 2 years now.  I was really shy about it at first but now I think I'm on my way to being an 80's video vixen.  I just need a car so I can roll around on the hood.

I'm finding the progression into adulthood to be very difficult (I'm 35).  I have My Little Ponies.  I color in coloring books.  I watch cartoons more than I watch normal tv.  My best friends are the characters from the Super Mario games.  But... you know, I'm 35 so I have to find a way to enjoy all of those things and stay in my childhood but still be somewhat responsible and feed my kid, do my laundry and keep to my "wifely duties".

Are you still with me?  Good!  That was a little easier than I'd anticipated.  I probably should go lay down now though because all this thinking isn't good for me.